Monday, October 31, 2011

Two Quarts Low

Last Wed. 26th of October Mike had his second chemo. He was supposed to get his blood checked and then come home until 1:00p. After they drew his blood they decided to keep him because he was dehydrated. We knew that, we just can't get enough liquid into him to keep up with whats going out. So he was a couple of quarts low. He had gone out by himself thinking he would be right back. But it didn't work out that way. After the fill-up they gave him his chemo.
He really felt pretty good that day and the next, but Friday didn't fell well at all. He is achy and tired and he slept a lot Friday and Saturday. He has the metal taste in his mouth so a lot of foods don't taste good. It's a struggle for me to feed him and also find something for me. A small thing to try and make him comfortable.

Today he is pushing himself and has gone outside to put insulation around the taps. I hope he doesn't over do. Mike has this third chemo on Wednesday, he has an appointment with Dr. Anwar then blood tests then the chemo. This takes most of Wednesday.

Sunday Susan and Kirt Bussio came down. It was so nice to have someone to talk to that have the same interests you do. They like to ride four wheelers and be outdoors. Susan is a breast cancer survivor so they were able to relate to what we are going through.

With Michelle's help I finished Melody's baby quilt. It turned out really cute and I just need to make the points and sew it on. Then I need start my projects for the grandkids Christmas.

Scott and Lindy are in Disneyland and having a great time. They have been to the beach and will trick or treat at DL tonight. Me I just want to go sit on the beach. I'm so glad they are doing lots of things with their kids. I wish we could have done more when our kids were young.

All my love, Mom

Sunday, October 23, 2011

That's a Lot of Baseball

It's been a good thing for Mike to the World Series on but I'm glad I've got a good book. Mike's third day after chemo was not so great. He ached, slept and said his stomach hurt (not like the cancer hurt). He is hanging on with his weight. He regained 2lbs. and is clear up to 137. I made him some more Tapioca pudding with half and half. He likes it warm and I must say it's pretty dang good. I am leaving it alone and saving it for him.

Mona is going to take Terry and I up to the doctor in Orem tomorrow. The fibromyalgia has been kicking my butt lately. I'm not surprised with the stress. plus all of Mike's jobs are now mine. Just the little things I took so for granted like the garbage and letting the dog in and out. Mona asked me to help her do a couple of bulletin boards that she got roped into doing. JUST SAY NO Mona! I hope I helped a little. It was sure fun spending some time with her. She is having four of her paintings matted and framed to hang in Artisans. I can't wait to go see them. She is an amazingly talented sister. I sure want to try water coloring.

Today Scott and Lindy and kids came up. I'm so glad they did. Jaymie and Nate have had a busy weekend playing soccer and Jaymie also did Taikwando she came up to me and whispered "I knocked a boy on his bum." She also broke three boards. She is very competitive. Way to go Jaymie and Nathan!

Bless Michelle's heart she made chicken enchiladas and squash pie and brought it down. What would I do without her. The pie reminded me of my Mom. We always made squash pie instead of pumpkin. We are having Thanksgiving at Michelle's. Crissy and Walker will be there and Marrit and Kirt also. I am looking forward to having them all together.

Thanks to everyone for their prayers and thoughts. Our children are our blessing.

Love to all, Mom


Thursday, October 20, 2011

He's Freezin'

It is the first day after chemo and he's doing well. His stomach hurts. This is not a surprise from what I've read. He is freezing and I've kept him warm by heating blankets in the dryer. I am trying to keep the house cool enough for me and warm enough for him. It's hard because he keeps turning the furnace up and then I roast. That is an odd thing for me because I have always been the cold one. Not any more. He has slept a lot more today than usual which was also expected. I have accumulated a ton of reading material about pancreatic cancer, port a caths and chemo. I guess some of it has sunk in. I had no idea there was so much involved in this process. I just pray it gives us more time.

All of the kids have checked in yesterday and today to see how he's doing. They are all so worried and their caring and love sustains both of us. Gayle Snyder called yesterday to invite me to lunch with the girls from the telephone company. It is Garfae's birthday and they are going to Garden House. I am going to try and make it.

I have been working on getting "Down Winders" information together. Michelle stopped in Parowan today and picked up our marriage licsense. I went to the Health Dept. yesterday and got his birth certificate. They want a lot of information and it is taking a while to get it altogether.

Last night Sister Carpenter brought dinner. It was so good, home made tomato soup and pasta. She is one of the many sweet ladies in our ward. I appreciate and love the ward members that have come to our rescue. They have offered their help with so many things. Kody, Kyler and Michelle came yesterday and mowed, edged and cleaned up all the dead plants in the yard. It looks so nice. Thanks guys.

Love to you all, Barbara

Monday, October 17, 2011

5:30A.M. What's That?



I know my trials are nothing in comparison. But when the hospital called and I heard Mike say, "6:15" I said "P.M. I hope". I just don't do mornings. Mike sailed through the surgery and was only gone for an hour. We were home by 10:00A.M. and I had my ringer on my phone turned off and was asleep by 10:30. I had just got to sleep at 2:00A.M. so 5:30 just wasn't that far off. I was so nervous about the port placement and even more nervous about the chemo. When we woke up Mike was in quite a lot of pain and very surprised that he was hurting. He is feeling better tonight and I hope tomorrow he will be back on top of it.

I have to talk about our conversation about Mike giving me permission to remarry. Hah! I told him there was only one love in my life and it was him. I told him I would hang out with Gaye and Cathy and take water painting lessons and go with Mona. I guess it's not too late to learn something new like water painting. But I won't be learning anything about another man. Our 47th anniversary is the 27th of November, I've always wanted to be married 50 years and I told Mike that is our goal and beyond.

I love him so much and never know when or what is going to make me cry. I ran into the Bishop Saturday at the grocery store and he asked me how I was feeling. I said, "scared". By the time I got to the check out I was in a full out flood. I had to ask the cashier for a paper towel. She looked in my cart to see if something had broken. No leaks except from my eyes.

Sunday Lindy called and asked if we wanted to ride to St. George and have dinner at Olive Garden. I really did and Mike toughed it up and we went. We shared a dinner and it was just right. Mike really can't eat much at a time so that was a good way to go. We sure enjoyed seeing the kids and Wayne and Carol.

Love to all, Mom

Friday, October 14, 2011

Stuff I'd Rather Not Know

Today was Chemo Class, not a new thing to those of you who have gone through this, Joyce and Susan two of my dear friends. I'm so glad you are suvivors. So many other friends who have had cancer or family members who have gone through this journey. I admire you so much.

Mike's port placement is Monday 6:15a.m. A little early for me, I just get sleeping good about that time. But you know I'll be right by his side. His first round starts on Wednesday. He will only be about an hour and a half so that's good. I told him I just love a bald man and he is partially that way anyhow. So we will see what happens to the rest of his hair.

He surprised me after we left the infusion center and said he was "starving". He doesn't like to go to lunch or even out to dinner very much. But fish sounded good to him so we went to Sizzler. We haven't been out of the house together except to go to the doctor or the ER. This was a real treat to be on a date.

I missed going to craft night at Gaye's house last night. Mike's stomach was hurting and guess who's fault that was? Mine of course. He should have had his Fentenyl patch changed two days before I remembered it. I feel so awful that I spaced it. It made me feel so bad. So this time beside marking it on the calendar I put in on my phone alarm to ring that day. I won't forget again I promise!

What a beautiful day today. The leaves are so pretty and I feel more aware than ever of the beauty around us. Life is so precious and each moment we spend together is a gift.

Love to all, Mom

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Just Wonderin'

Just wondering why the smoke alarm goes off at 3:00a.m. instead of 3:00p.m. and why was it the subject at lunch two days before? AND just wondering why people (Mike or kids) start throwing up at eight o'clock at night. Don't you think it would be better after you've had a good nights sleep? Also, just wonderin' why the dog wants in or out just as you get all settled in your chair, feet up, good book open...you know what I mean. The big question for today is why, when all the clothes are washed and the last load is dark clothes do you find one pair of white socks that are now a nasty color of grey.

Just wonderin'

Getting back on track with my sweetheart, I called Dr. Anwar's office today. We are on the schedule next Monday for a port-a-cath. Then Wednesday morning (19th) we see Dr. Anwar and then chemo. I hope and pray everything goes well. He felt pretty good today and decided he could ride out to the golf course. He did and I was pretty nervous. He called after he had been gone a while and had stopped at Dads. He was tired but fine. He ate really good today but tonight feels like maybe he ate a little too much. He can only eat a little bit at a time and I need to take care that I don't expect too much.

Marrit has been so great and has done so much for us. She fertilized the lawns and watered them. Today she pulled up the black tomato vines so they can go out for garbage day. We got the Halloween stuff out for the kids. I could have passed this year but grandkids keep you young. Marrit thanks for everything especially the moral support late at night. Thanks to all my kids, Curtis for getting Mike's school records, I appreciate it so much. Michelle for canning and sharing the tomato juice. Scott everyday I thank you for finishing the sprinkler system and installing the garage door opener. Thanks for calling to check on us, it means so much. I am so thankful for my children, they are all such good people. I watch them with their children and I couldn't ask for anything more. I love you all so much.

Love to all Mom

Monday, October 10, 2011

Not The Washer!

Yesterday I put some white clothes in the washer to soak. Pretty soon there was a river,then a lake. Marrit and Kirt were here so we got it cleaned up. So today Marrit and I went to Home Depot and bought a new washer.

I went to lunch with Lolene Adams and Patty Waltzer. It was so nice and we had a good visit. I was so happy they called me. While I was at lunch Mike showed Marrit how to drain the trailer and they put the wishing well away for the winter. There are sure a lot of things I have taken for granted. It makes me feel bad that I was so used to Mike winterizing everything. Mowing and cleaning the yard for winter, insulating the taps for the sprinkler system and fall fertilizer for the lawns. He made me a list, I'll have to put it somewhere to keep. Marrit has crossed several things off the list already. Thanks for being here Marrit, I appreciate you so much. Love love love having Parker and Brooklynn here. Brooklynn talks your leg off. What smart grandkids we have.

Mike has been pretty tired today. He feels so bad when he can't do things. I feel bad when he can't do things. He started throwing up and having diareahea about 8:00p and it didn't stop for over an hour and a half. I am afraid of having to take him back to the hospital for dehydration, or a blockage or bleeding. I gave him some vanilla rice pudding and he ate 7 or 8 bites. Enough I think to settle his stomach and get his pills down. We have nausea pills that say "take as needed." I didn't know his stomach was queasy and I can't give him pills while he throwing up. He has lost 14 pounds since Oct. 22nd this year. I am so very nervous about chemo.

I am praying for small things for him. Being able to eat, getting around the house and yard and being able to enjoy his grandkids. We take all of these things for granted. We go through our days believing all things are owed to us. I am counting my blessings everyday and thankful for one more day with him.

Thank you to all who remember Mike in your prayers. It means so much to us.

Love to all, Mom (Barbara)

Friday, October 7, 2011

"This is my best day in months" NOT!

Oct. 6th Mike got up and said, "This is the best I've felt in months." After the infusion we came home to let him rest. About 6:30p he started throwing up. He was still throwing up at 8:15p - 8:30p. Even though I threatened to beat him with a stick he could not quit throwing up. So off to the ER again. They did some blood tests, gave him dilaudid for pain and reglan for nausea. He finally quit throwing up but then started bleeding rectally. Michelle was with me or I don't really think I could have held it together. It was not just a little blood it was a lot.

They did a CT scan and found an enlarged area near the bottom of the bowel. They said it was either a tumor in the bowel or a blockage in the ilias. Either way there was no way to stop the bleeding unless it stops on it's own. Thank you Heavenly Father, it did stop. We were admitted to the hospital at 3:00a. I sent Michelle home, I was so glad to have her with me and even happier that she didn't have to go to work that morning. By 4:00a they had inserted an NG tube and got him all settled. I went to sleep until about 7:30am.

Mike was feeling much better later on in the day. The bleeding had stopped and the blockage resolved itself. Dr. Anwar came and talked with Mike. He thinks we can still go ahead with chemo. I don't know and as Scott said to me, "you can't put a bandaide on a bowel." If Mike were to throw up from the chemo and start bleeding again I don't know what I would do.

Ultimately it's Mike's decision. I will hold his head, wipe his brow and sleep in the bathroom with him if I need to.

No one said it would be easy they only said it would be worth it.

Love to all, Mom

Thursday, October 6, 2011

A Quart Low

Yesterday was see the oncologist day. We saw Dr. Anwar, he was very nice and stressed quality of life for Mike. He prescribed the Fentanayl patch, nausea pills, and a liquid appetite enhancer. He talked about chemo and said we could stop at any time. Mike decided to go for it. The Center gave us 15lbs. of material to read and a month of appointments. The journey of chemo begins.

Today I took him to the infusion center and they gave him anti-nausia meds and a quart of "oil" well you know what I mean. He was, as we suspected a quart low and needed some hydration. His port-a-cath placement will be on the 12th of Oct. Chemo will begin the 19th, he will have chemo 1 a week for 3 weeks and then a week off. We will see how he tolerates it. The chemo is Gemcidabine which is the best one for pancreatic cancer. We met a man and his wife at the infusion center today and the husband had pancreatic cancer and had his spleen, duodenum, pancreas and half his stomach removed. He is on chemo and radiation. It has been 2 1/2 years since he was diagnosed and says he is doing well.

Dr. Anwar is going to have some more slides done from the biopsies to determine whether the cancer has metastasized from the pancreas to the bowel or bowel to the pancreas. It was our understanding that it was from the pancreas to the bowel but maybe we were dreaming. The last few weeks have been a blur for both of us.

Marrit is coming up but will be spending this weekend with the Rosenlofs. They have a baptism and a Christmas party in Orem. Then she will come to spend some time with us after the weekend. Michelle came today while we were at the Infusion Center and picked the tomato's and some flowers. She vacuumed and dusted, bless you Michelle and thanks! I have a few house cleaning details to do. It will get done sometime. It has turned cold and there is snow on the mountains and foothills. It feels like it might freeze tonight. I am not ready for winter. The summer and fall have been so nice.

Grandchildren Update

My grandkids are all busy with school, Kyler is in Success Academy and on the H.S. golf team. Kody is busy with the cello and getting good grades. Kamree got her braces off and is getting new glasses. She has started playing the violin and is taking a new kind of piano lessons. Very interesting, I went with her to one lesson, I wish I could take them with her. Nate is in Middle School and playing soccer. He is loving it. He has started playing the oboe. Jaymie is busy with Taikwando and school. Greyson went elk hunting with us and we sure enjoyed being with him. He is playing basketball and taking advanced classes. Reagan is still swimming, we would sure like to see her more often. Parker is going to pre-school and playing soccer. He is learning so much from school. Brooklynn is in kindergym. I sure wish I could see her. Marrit says she is good for about 20 minutes and then she wants to do her own thing. She can hop like a frog and a bunny. She calls a computer a "pooder" and Angry Birds "Smash the Birds."

We sure love our grandkids they are the light of our lives. They are the most important thing in our lives and we want to see everything they do. We hope to make it to recitals, games and whatever else they are involved in.

The love of my life is feeling better today than he has in a few months. It's good to see him doing well.

Love to all.. Mom