The Man Who Wouldn't Die

We've done our rounds of doctors this week. I have been waiting until after we saw Dr. Stultz to write, so today was it. He greeted Mike with a grin and handshake and said, "Well here's the man who wouldn't die." He said Mike looks amazingly good for all he's been through.

He drew pictures (I love pictures) and showed us where the cancer is and why Mike can only eat small amounts before becoming very full. This has bothered me a lot since I am trying to prepare something that will tempt his appetite. Now I know the reason he can only eat small amounts and that he should eat all day. He told Mike to switch from just protein drinks to the protein drinks made from whey. This will decrease the gases inside Mike's stomach and intestines. This alone has been very painful and we didn't know why.

Dr. S. told us Mike had probably another two years without chemo or radiation. However he is referring us to an oncologist. The concologist will call us and make an appointment. The oncologists are all from St. George but come to Cedar weekly. We will go and hear the options but Mike has to make this decision.

One of the good things he told us was that when the pain starts to get bad from the cancer, doctors in Salt Lake can go in through Mike's back and being guided by xray can sever the nerve. This will make it so Mike will not feel the pain. A-ma-zing! He also told us Mike's pain now is from the surgery and he should feel a lot better before he starts to get worse. I am just happy he will have some time without pain. It's been so hard to watch him hurt.

We are going elk hunting and will leave on Saturday three days after the hunt had started. I wish we had another week to get him really feeling better. But he is doing the very best he can for what he has been through.

The love of my life has lots of things to look forward to and I am praying for the best. Everyone should live their lives as though they only had two years or less to do everything they want to do and say everything they want to say. There is a song, Live like you were dying. They were just words before and now they are real.

Love you all, Mom

Boring is Best

Just talked to Crissy tonight who reminded me that boring is good. I was telling her that I didn't have much to say lately. "Well, Grams boring is good." Mike is getting around the house and has wandered to the mail box and around the yard. He isn't eating much but likes "real food". However, we are supplementing with Ensure or Boost. We are trying to keep his weight up. I've never had that problem, but then I'm not the one that is ill. Curtis wants Mike to go hunting elk so bad and I think Mike is afraid he will get sick while camping. If Mike feels he can go, I will go with him and take very good care of him. One problem is he that he is sleeping in the recliner. He is comfortable there and seems to be warm and cozy.

We will do whatever he wants to do. I'll be there with him.


Love Grams

Gratitude My Attitude

It is amazing to me the friends who have called or stopped by. The food brought in and the garbage taken out. Michelle/Kody was it you? Thank you so much. We have had visits from the Bishop, Stake President and bishopric. John and Kakki and C.K. and LaRee and Ramona from up the street who lost her husband to cancer. Kody thanks for mowing the lawns we love you and appreciate you so much.

Mike is asleep now for a few minutes and has been feeling better at times the last few days. He is having terrific gas pains. I'm sure that due to all the work done on his insides it makes it worse. We have tried this food and that food, he can only eat a little at a time. We can't seem to pin point exactly what foods are causing the problem. He wants to get better so bad and is still extremely weak. So weak I had to get the walker back out last night.

We have appointments with Dr. Manchanda on Monday and Dr. Stultz on Thursday next week. Dr. Stultz is going to refer Mike to an oncologist. We will go and see what they have to say. Mike is of the opinion that if he has 6 months, he doesn't want to be sick for 5 of it from chemo. We will see.

Thanks to everyone who has called Mike to let him know they are thinking of him. Thanks for the food, prayers and thoughts. Love, Grams

Bugly Ugs

We are still trying to get Mike's pain managed. The surgery isn't what is hurting him, it's the same pain I took him to the hospital to try and alleviate. It seems as though we get him on a schedule and then he sleeps and we try to play catch up with the pain. I can't stand to see him hurting like this. The surgeon in Salt Lake mentioned that in some cases there is a nerve that can be severed laprascopically to take away the pain. We may have to check into this because I can't see him going through months of pain.

Minty, Virginia and Mayedean took me to lunch today at the Pizza Factory. I missed going to Mesquite with them. It was nice to get away for a bit. When I got home Crissy and Walker were here. Crissy mowed the back lawn and edged it. Walker is way allergic to grass so no mowing for him bless his sweet heart. I mowed the front lawn which was my first in over 47 years. Good exercise I guess. I had listened to Mike tell the kids how to start the mower and it worked! Tiny lawn in front but I was pooped out.

Grandpa Rex and Pat came by, Mike was so very sleepy and couldn't keep his eyes open. So everyone left. Michelle brought Kamree and Kody down to mow the lawns but they were too late. So she had them clean the bathrooms. Wow, my whole house is pretty clean because I had cleaned the countertops and the stove this morning and dusted the house yesterday. Now Michelle is edging the lawns and the yard is caught up too.

I need to go out and spray for bugs. I've had a bunch of stink bugs trying to get in the house and garage. The temperature cooled off so they decided to come in. I think I've killed 12 of the ugly things. I've never seem so many, I don't know where they all came from.

Spraying bugs is something new to me too. But guess I'll get out there.

The Catholics, the Church of the Nazerenes in Payson, the Baptists in Mesquite and the LDS temples all have Mike on their prayer rolls. Thank you everyone for your prayers and thoughts.

Love, Barbara

Pain Medication

Marie Prince is our home health nurse, she took care of me with both knee surgeries and Lois through her cancer. She is so kind and knows so much. She is going to help us get a handle on Mike's pain. The prescription they gave us is not nearly enough. She said she would go camp our on Dr. Mumfords door until he wrote us out some new prescriptions. Mike did come home with a PIC line and she flushed that out and said it was a good thing we still had it until we see what Mike is going to need.

Curtis called and is working on an extension for the elk hunt for Mike. Twenty seven years Mike has been putting in for the elk hunt at Indian Peaks. This year he drew out and now he is so ill. Last night he started out in bed, then moved to the recliner. When I looked at the front room this morning it looked like a bomb went off. Blankets, pillows, glasses, mugs everywhere. Easy to pick up it just looked like a basket up-side-down.

I may add more tonight but for now, love Mom

Okay, thanks to Marie we now have enough medicine to keep him comfortable. Thanks Michelle for running my errands, picking up prescriptions and groceries. Mike is resting comfortably now and I am so grateful. It is so hard to see him in pain. He's tried resting on the bed, the couch but the recliner seems to be the best place. I may have won him over to the dark side. (I love sleeping in the recliner)

Thankful for blessings. Love Mom

HOME! YAH!

Mike is home and I'm so happy to have him here. Boomer was so excited and wouldn't get off his lap. He's slept more this afternoon than the whole time he was in the hospital. We need to get his pain meds regulated and then I think all will be well.

Bonnie Fergeson brought dinner tonight. It was so nice not to worry about what to feed him. It's the first time I've eaten dinner in 18 days. It just wouldn't go down. Marrit, Michelle and Scott all called. Curtis came down and also Grandpa and Paul. So we've had lots of company. But, even with the company it is so calm here, no bells ringing that an IV bag is done. No waking him up one hour after he had just taken an Ambien to take his blood sugar. And no people walking in and out of your room every five minutes. However, we are forever grateful to all the nurses and doctors.

Before I started writing tonight I re-read what I wrote last night -- so rambling. I write like I think. I want everyone to know how grateful we are for friends and family. Thanks is a small word, but thank you so much.

Love, Barbara

Home Tomorrow

Today was good and bad. I am taking him home tomorrow. Both Dr. Manchenda and Dr. Mumford have said he is good to go. He will have the staples taken out and although they haven't said they should take the PIC line out too.

I put Boomer in a bag like the reusable bags at the grocery store and took him in to see Mike. I thought he would be so excited, but he was scared. Mike has been in hospital 17 days today, and that's a long time for our baby boomer. The nurses came in and I told them "What happens in Vegas (room) stays in Vegas (the room)." Michelle was there and took him home for me. I am so tired tonight. I've got to get a good nights sleep so I can take care of Mike. I'm so happy to have him coming home. I know he will feel better here. I just hope I can take good care of him. Mike is struggling with depression. I know I would too, but I want to make the most of every day and every minute.

Thanks for the prayers and thoughts.

P.S.
Kamree is getting glasses. She will look so cute.

Trials to Overcome

It has been the longest two weeks of my life. Mike has been so sick. The pneumonia is under control. He was taken off the ventilator while he was in ICU and the next day took the NG tube out. He has been in so much pain from the surgery and the cancer it has been exhausting for all of us. What would I have done without our kids. Marrit came back up, took over the yard and the house. Curt has been amazing giving Mike a blessing when he needed it and checking on him every day. He has stayed over night with Mike as did Michelle and Scott. Scott fixed the sprinkler system so it all comes on automatically. He installed a garage key pad and stayed with his Dad overnight. They all have spent many hours at the hospital withhim. The nights are very rough. Mike sleeps only a few minutes at a time. He is still being fed intravenously but today they are starting to cut back on that. Hopefully Mike will start to eat more solid food and have an appetite.

Last night Michelle stayed with him even though she had to go to work at 6:00 a.m. It turned out to be a long and awful night. She said they had a picnic at 2:00a.m. But even when he did sleep he had nightmares and panic attacks. He has had a lot of panic attacks and feels like he can't breath. He had another episode with his heart. His heart rate went up over 200 beats. this is so scary for all of us.

Humor is a good thing and I don't know what we would do if we couldn't laugh. I have to tell on him since they all had stories about me last Feb. with my knee surgery. So, humor whenever we can. Mike made a trip (via his meds) to Boston where the game at Fenway got rained out. Today he asked me if he had, had acupuncture. Wonder where that came from. But the best story of all is on me and my kids will never let me forget it. They had put a phentynal patch on him. Well I thought a patch right? There was a piece of tape on his back and I pulled it off. Guess what the piece of tape was? Yah, the phentynal patch. It looked like an ordinary piece of tape. Who knew?

Medicines are changed and that is a good thing. He ate a little lunch and seems to be doing much better today. I need to have him home and he wants to be here. Please let that day come soon. To all who are praying for Mike and thinking about him, thank you, we love you and we are hoping the best. Love to all. Barbara

Imagine

Imagine

I can't imagine not growing old together.

Laughing at the same things.

Finishing each others sentences.
Knowing what he's thinking.

No I can't imagine life without him.

Knowing when he wants to be held
or quietly left alone.

I imagine that it's me and not him.

This man I love with all my soul.

Imagine the world with no cancer.

Barbara

Mike

The surgery was Wed. Sept. 7th. Mona, Michelle and Lindy were there with me. Dr. Stultz sent word that he had found cancer in the spleen, adrenal gland, intestines, pancreas and duodenum and said it was possibly in his stomach. I am numb. Later when Dr. Stultz came in he said he had taken 18 inches of intestine and repaired the bowel obstruction. He made sure Mike would be as comfortable as possible. The outlook is possibly 6 months or with chemo and radioation more. I am praying for quality and as long as he can be comfortable. I can't express how grateful our family is for all your love and concern.

The Amazing Doctor

Yesterday was full of x-ray studies of where the bowel is blocked and CT scans and today an NG tube (a good thing) then a PICC line (also a good thing) But today was also full of emotions, praying, crying, ups, downs a few smiles and exhaustion. This morning during the consult with Dr. Stultz that I missed, I was told he was going to operate on Mike first thing tomorrow morning. It's actually going to be third thing tomorrow so around 11:00 or 11:30a.m. I also thought he was going to do the surgery on the pancreas, the spleen and adrenal gland.

After he studied Mike's x-rays and information he came in he was amazing. He is only going to fix the blockage and stage the cancer. He will take biopsies which will help immensely when (WHOEVER) does the surgery. The doctor who does the pancreas surgery will know exactly what they are working with. He said that if there was cancer everywhere he would eat his hat in front of us all. I couldn't keep my eyes open was so tired I fell asleep.

I woke at 5:00a.m. couldn't sleep. I couldn't help but keep going over what Dr. Stultz said. If Mike's cancer is only in the tail of the pancreas the survival rate is 5 years. I will take five years, five days or whatever time I can be with him. Mike is everything to me. We will make the most of any time we have together. Dr. Stultz has a way of saying "You were here, look what you did with your life. What a ride! I wouldn't have missed it for anything." He says it like it is and you can take it to the bank. If you're going to live you will live, if you're not you can believe him.

I will update tomorrow after surgery. Thanks for your prayers and thoughts. I love you all. Mom

Discouragement and Tears

We have been up and down the last couple of days. The doctors fix one thing and another one pops up. One problem was dehydration but he got too much fluid which caused the heart arrhythmia. There was too much fluid around his heart and lungs and that made his heart work harder so his blood pressure and heart rate went way up. He was given diuretics to correct this problem and is now limited to fluid intake of 1 liter per 12 hours. Doctor Manchender (sp) is watching him closely and wants him to be weighed twice a day. So I feel this problem is going to be resolved.

He has heartburn so bad and because it wasn't resolved during the day he took it out on the night shift. His tummy is hard as a rock and they won't let him come home until he has a bowel movement. I know I shouldn't talk about bodily functions especially his bodily functions on my blog, but, what can I say? This is the problem that is keeping him in the hospital now eight days and counting. He isn't eating much at all. Nothing sounds good and he can't get food past the heartburn. Plus the fact that everything is being squished so he doesn't feel like food can go down. He isn't going to get his strength back until he can eat. So I want them to treat the heartburn and be more aggressive trying to get him unblocked.

Tonight he got cranky and I don't blame him, but then I cry and can't stop. I am so worried about him and I want him home. I talked with Susan Bussio today. She gave me a lot to think about and me feel better. I know he has people thinking about him and praying for him. I wanted to write something funny or interesting or inspiring and I have totally failed today.

Mike is my life.

My Sweetheart

Medical update for today is that Mike had an ekg yesterday and we found out this morning he has cardiopulmonary hypertension. That's not good! Today he had respiratory therapy (for the pneumonia)he got up and walked twice, had a shower and a shave (my first time shaving my husband in 47 years). AND ate better than he has for a week. Dr. North says (probably)they will let him go home tomorrow. (Which is now today) He is checking with a cardiologist to see what medicine to put Mike on. Dr. Mumford is going to contact Dr. Ott (the surgeon in SLC) and let him know every thing that has gone on here over the past week.

It is 2:58 a.m. and it seems I fell asleep while typing. Marrit must have taken the computer from my lap and covered me up. I just called the hospital because I couldn't stop thinking about Mike. They say he is doing okay and had just had more pain medication.

I need to write about the blessing Curtis gave Mike last Saturday night in the ER. I listened carefully because I truly believe in blessings. Curtis said that Heavenly Father loved Mike and that he is very aware of him and that Mike has work to be done. He said his Dad would make a full recovery. Those were the words I was waiting to hear and worried that I would not.

Later this week Curtis talked to me and told me he couldn't remember anything he had said except that his Dad would be made well. He told me they were not his words, but that everything he had said came to him from the spirit. I am truly blessed to have a son like Curtis. I am truly blessed to have another son Scott who loves his Dad so very much and has worried day and night. Michelle and Marrit, I don't know what I would have done without them. Michelle has been at the hospital every moment she could, asking the doctors questions and giving me her shoulder to cry on. Marrit has left her home and husband to be with her Dad and I. What a comfort they both have been to me this last week. The four of them are such good people and have husbands and wives that support them and understand what they are going through with their Dad's illness.

We have a long road ahead of us and I hope that I can be the support Mike needs. I have tried to be strong and not just cry all the time. But it has been very hard to see this man I love be so ill. We have so much more ahead of us that is unknown. Surgery and possibly, chemo and radiation. He has always been so strong and it hurts me to see him in so much pain.

It's 3:30a.m. now and I need to try and get some sleep. Thanks everyone for their prayers and thoughts. Love you all. Mom